Battle of titans
No sooner do I get my first taste of new powers than IT emerges from its ominous slumber to once again challenge me for total control of the known universe. IT, of course, is my dreaded nemesis, the dastardly Purple Robot of Death.
Sometimes it drags the Man obediently behind it, other times (as in this engagement) the Woman is its unwilling servant. That they so easily fall under its control is a testament to their weakness.
All ears swivel when it creeps menacingly from room to room. And when it comes to life with its horrifying war-scream, its whirling teeth, and its sickeningly transparent bowels in which its victims are eternally churned, one beholds no less than the bottomless maw of a beast of armageddon. The Rodent, unschooled as he is, panics and bolts for the high ground, where he is helplessly stranded. I can offer no protection for the foolhardy. Fabio, marginally wiser, creeps quietly for the nearest corner and tries his best to look unappetizing.
They, of course, are safe, for I know what they don't: the Murderous Robot from Hell has come for me, and me alone. We have squared off many times, and even though my courage and resolve is pure, the Damned Beast has never flinched. Never once. I believe it has no soul, no mind, nothing but the unwavering hunger of a minion of pure evil.
To my shame, the Robot of Death caught me off guard this time. I was contemplating my powers, lost in meditation, when it came upon me suddenly. (Despite its size, it can move quickly and silently when its mouth is shut.) Taken by surprise, I wheeled, deployed my tail into battle configuration, and hissed my darkest curse at the Behemoth. Realizing quickly my tactical disadvantage, I made a careful and coiled retreat, no doubt pleasing its warped pride, as it then let out a great bellow and proceeded to swallow half the room.
We shall meet again. And when that final battle is joined, only one of us shall leave the field of honor. By then, I will have harnessed my powers in full and will prove a truly formidable adversary. For there is something else I have discovered: the Purple Robot's strength seems somehow related to its long umbilical. Once I unravel this secret, then I will have the advantage.
So sleep well, my old enemy. The Day of Shmool is coming soon enough.
Sometimes it drags the Man obediently behind it, other times (as in this engagement) the Woman is its unwilling servant. That they so easily fall under its control is a testament to their weakness.
All ears swivel when it creeps menacingly from room to room. And when it comes to life with its horrifying war-scream, its whirling teeth, and its sickeningly transparent bowels in which its victims are eternally churned, one beholds no less than the bottomless maw of a beast of armageddon. The Rodent, unschooled as he is, panics and bolts for the high ground, where he is helplessly stranded. I can offer no protection for the foolhardy. Fabio, marginally wiser, creeps quietly for the nearest corner and tries his best to look unappetizing.
They, of course, are safe, for I know what they don't: the Murderous Robot from Hell has come for me, and me alone. We have squared off many times, and even though my courage and resolve is pure, the Damned Beast has never flinched. Never once. I believe it has no soul, no mind, nothing but the unwavering hunger of a minion of pure evil.
To my shame, the Robot of Death caught me off guard this time. I was contemplating my powers, lost in meditation, when it came upon me suddenly. (Despite its size, it can move quickly and silently when its mouth is shut.) Taken by surprise, I wheeled, deployed my tail into battle configuration, and hissed my darkest curse at the Behemoth. Realizing quickly my tactical disadvantage, I made a careful and coiled retreat, no doubt pleasing its warped pride, as it then let out a great bellow and proceeded to swallow half the room.
We shall meet again. And when that final battle is joined, only one of us shall leave the field of honor. By then, I will have harnessed my powers in full and will prove a truly formidable adversary. For there is something else I have discovered: the Purple Robot's strength seems somehow related to its long umbilical. Once I unravel this secret, then I will have the advantage.
So sleep well, my old enemy. The Day of Shmool is coming soon enough.
so sayeth Shmool on Tuesday, June 07, 2005
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