The water is brown

What the hell? This is unacceptable.

Bad enough that some lady has been sleeping in MY bed all week, but now brown water? What kind of operation has this deteriorated into?

I can't for the life of me imagine how all the water in the world can suddenly turn such a disgusting hue, but I'm sure Fabio is involved. Somehow. That I will guarantee.

And that's not all. The Woman and the Man have suddenly stopped worshipping the big box and are now wearing these small machines that plug DIRECTLY INTO THEIR HEADS. I tell you, the longer you live, the weirder the world gets.

They won't be plugging one of those things into me. That's another thing I will guarantee.