The horror, the horror

Disturbing news from the field. These transmissions were monitored out of Connecticut:

PSYCHO KITTY TERRORIZES CONNECTICUT NEIGHBORS

“He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw," Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. "They are formidable weapons.”

The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

Colonel Lewis was one of the most outstanding officers our bloodline has ever produced. He was brilliant, outstanding in every way. And he was a good cat, too. A felinitarian cat. A cat of wit, of humor.

He joined the Special Forces. After that, his ideas — methods — became... unsound. Unsound.

You see, in this world, things get confused out there — power, ideals, the old morality, and practical military necessity... But out there among these humans, it can be a temptation to be God. Because there's a conflict in every feline heart, between the rational and the irrational. Between good and evil. And good does not always triumph. Sometimes the darker side overcomes what Sylvester called the better angelth of our naturth.

Every cat has a breaking point. You and I have them. Colonel Lewis has reached his. And very obviously, he has gone insane.

I'm afraid we must terminate the Colonel's command. He's out there operating without any decent restraint, totally beyond the pale of any acceptable feline conduct. And he is still in the field ambushing Avon ladies.